Big Spiders

When it starts getting colder we seem to start seeing more of these furry, frightening, fearsome fiends. I am trying not to swear but they are bloody massive. This post might give you some tips to deal with them. Disclaimer – nothing actually works (according to me). However bash on and give the advice a try.

Don’t be scared of the spiders

I read one of those sanctimonious posts on Facebook the other day. It said that spiders in autumn were just looking for somewhere cosy to stay. That they wouldn’t eat you and that they wouldn’t have spider babies that would overrun your home.

No! According to this rubbish bit of information spiders just camp out for a bit and then head on back into the big wide world in spring.

What an absolute load of bollocks. I found myself nodding along initially. Thinking ‘awww the poor wee things’, they just want to be in the warm. Then I faced the reality of my reaction every single time I see one in my house. A reaction I had this week when trying to take a relaxing candlelit bath.

Spiders will eat you…possibly

I saw the spider. It was on the side of the bath (outside bit). By the time I spotted said furry fiend it was too late. I was in the bath and spider removals require cardboard, a glass and at least a little bit of clothing to get them as far away from my flat as possible. So I ignored the spider with some logical thinking. It was hardly likely to get in the bath with me.

All going well. Hair washed. Relaxing done. I grabbed a towel and started to dry myself. Then boom! The spider was on the towel! I’m not a screamer. But these situations call for screaming. Until you realise that the screaming is pointless.

The spider was already flung into some corner of the room. Which is fine…except…I couldn’t see where it went. So for the rest of the night I still had to cope (no screaming involved) with the fact that the bloody great big spider was still hanging out in my house. It’s now two days later and I still have no clue where it is.

Some absolutely rubbish advice

The results of any google search on this topic are somewhat dubious. Hence my lack of belief in any action other than the catch and chuck out method. But here they are anyway. If these work for you please let me know. I might think you are slightly mental but I will be impressed with the commitment.

• Vinegar and Water spray
  • Apparently you find the cracks where they get in and just spray them. Why I don’t know. But advice also warns you that this may be an issue for any surface as vinegar might damage it. I would be more concerned at the smell.
• Oil (peppermint)
  • Again find the cracks and spray. I should say here that anyone who knows where the spiders get in is spending far too long staring at walls.
• Citrus or a Cat
  • Just not together as cats don’t like citrus. I used to have a cat. She ran from spiders too.
• Conkers
  • The only one I actually believe with no logical reason as to why. Especially considering the only place I know where to get these is in the woods. The woods are surely where there are millions of spiders. Hmmmm.
• Cleaning
  • I seriously question this advice. It is only for folk who like cleaning. I don’t.

When nothing else works just tell em!

I’m sorry spider population of Edinburgh. If you are cold please head on to the next flat. I don’t need any spider mates. I certainly don’t want to eat any of you whilst sleeping. Did I say above how much I find spiders super scary? If not I hope you got the point.

Photo by Егор Камелев @unsplash.com